Iggy The Cat And The iPad

My Top 90 Favorite List of Bart Simpson's Chalkboard Punishments

    * I will not waste chalk.
    * I will not aim for the head.
    * I will not skateboard in the halls.
    * I will not do anything bad ever again.
    * I will not torment the emotionally frail.
    * I will not call the principal "spud head".
    * I will not spank others.
    * I am not a dentist.
    * I will not bribe Principal Skinner.
    * Spitwads are not free speech.
    * "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender.
    * High explosives and school don't mix.
    * Hamsters cannot fly.
    * All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
    * I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause.
    * I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
    * I am not deliciously saucy.
    * Organ transplants are best left to the professionals.
    * I will not send lard through the mail.
    * No one wants to hear my armpits.
    * Next time it could be me on the scaffolding.
    * The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far.
    * I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist.
    * I do not have power of attorney over first graders.
    * I am not certified to remove asbestos.
    * "Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice.
    * I will not barf unless I'm sick.
    * I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
    * I will not instigate revolution.
    * I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
    * I will not call my teacher "hot cakes".
    * I will not snap bras.
    * Garlic gum is not funny.
    * I will not fake seizures.
    * I will not encourage others to fly.
    * I will not bury the new kid.
    * I will not Xerox my butt.
    * I will not drive the principal's car.
    * I will not eat things for money.
    * I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.
    * I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call.
    * I will not sell school property.
    * The principle's toupee is not a frisbee.
    * I do not have diplomatic immunity.
    * I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
    * I will not go very far with this attitude.
    * Goldfish don't bounce.
    * No one is interested in my underpants.
    * I will not sell land in Florida.
    * I will not sell miracle cures.
    * I will not grease the monkey bars.
    * I will not hide behind the fifth amendment.
    I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten
    There was no Roman god named "Fartacus"
    Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related
    I will not file frivolous lawsuits
    A trained ape could not teach gym
    Loose teeth don't need my help
    I have neither been there nor done that
    I will stop phoning it in
    Class clown is not a paid position
    Substitute teachers are not scabs
    My suspension was not "mutual"
    A belch is not an oral report
    Dodgeball stops at the gym door
    I will not surprise the incontinent
    I am not the acting President
    I was not the sixth Beatle
    I will only provide a urine sample when asked
    The nurse is not dealing
    Science class should not end in tragedy
    I will not publish the Principal's credit report
    The hamster did not have "a full life"
    Fish do not like coffee
    Milhouse did not test cootie positive
    This school does not need a "regime change"
    SpongeBob is not a contraceptive
    The capital of Montana is not "Hannah"
    Teacher did not pay too much for her condo!
    The art teacher is fat, not pregnant
    Teacher's diet is working
    There's no such month as "Rocktober"
    I did not see teacher siphoning gas
    It's "Facebook," not "Assbook"
    The class hamster isn't just sleeping
    Chalkboarding is not torture
    I am not allergic to long division
    Halloween does not kick Thanksgiving's ass
    Teachers' unions are not ruining the country
    The world may end in 2012 but this show won't.

See the Emmy Nominated Wallace And Gromit Here

Wallace And Gromit - A Matter Of Loaf And Death

DANMAN | MySpace Video

"A Matter of Load and Death"

Been "Off the Air" For Awhile

I've been .... pre-occupied with a dozen other things more important than blogging for the past few months, but for now, with a more stable situation, I return to the blogosphere invigorated.....

Sorry to read that Scrubs, Heroes and Better Off Ted will likely be cancelled at the end of this season. All were innovative shows that broke the mold... Who can forget the Scrubs all-musical episode? Such wonders as "Guy Love" and "It All Comes Down to Poo..." made me laugh out loud.
Thank God for Modern Family and 30 Rock.

This blog will become more specialized, towards TV coverage... as you see. I seem to make more time for TV in my day than others..... But this isn't 'True Confessions.' On with the show....

If you've never caught Friday Night Lights on NBC or DirecTV, the first 3 seasons are on Netflix's direct streaming PLAY NOW section. Kyle Chandler deserved an Emmy for Best Actor but the show has been largely ignored by the public, despite winning a Peabody Award...
From Wikipedia:

".....The show’s producers decided at the outset to allow their performers leeway in what they say and do on the show. Though scripted like any hour-long television drama, performers are given great leeway in the delivery of their lines and the blocking of each scene. If actors feel that something is not true to their character or a mode of delivery doesn’t work, they are free to change it provided they still hit the vital plot points.^[20]

The freedom that producers have extended to the performers is complemented by the fact that the show is taped without rehearsal and without extensive blocking. Camera operators are trained to follow the actors rather than actors standing in one place and having cameras fixed around them. This allows performers to not only feel free to make changes but to feel safe in making those changes because the infrastructure will work around them. Executive producer Jeffrey Reiner described this method as “no rehearsal, no blocking, just three cameras and we shoot.”^[21]

Working in this fashion has had a profound influence on everyone involved with the show, with series star Kyle Chandler going so far as to say “When I look back at my life, I'm going to say, "Wow, [executive producer] Peter Berg really changed my life."”^[22] Executive producer and head writer Jason Katims echoes this sentiment saying “When I first came on [the ‘FNL’] set, I thought, it’s interesting — this is what I imagined filmmaking would be, before I saw what filmmaking was

Quick and Fun Science Project

Homopolar Motor - Funny video clips are a click away

Did You Know It takes 72 muscles to speak one word? Here's 25 More Facts

It takes 1,000 yards of linen to wrap an average mummy.
It takes 50,000 words to use up the lead in one pencil
It takes 600 grapes to make one bottle of wine.
It takes 30 to 40 gallons of tree sap to make one gallon of maple syrup
It takes 24 to 26 hours for a hen to produce an egg.
It takes 72 muscles to speak one word
It takes eight weeks for the average man to grow a one inch-long beard.
It takes one acre of soybeans to produce 82,368 crayons
It takes a bushel of corn to sweeten 400 cans of coke
It takes 25 tomatoes to make one bottle of ketchup
It takes one acre of trees one year to remove 13 tons of dust and noxious gases from the air
It takes seven years for a lobster to grow to one pound
It takes 345 squirts of milk from a cow's udder to make one gallon of milk.
It takes 18 hummingbirds to weigh an ounce
It takes 42,000 tennis balls for a Wimbledon tournament.
It takes one bale of cotton to make 1,217 T-Shirts
It takes about 100 cherries to make a cherry pie.
It takes 2 million visits to 2 million flowers for a honeybee to make one pound of honey
It takes five gallons of milk to make a five-pound wheel of cheese
It takes a mole one day to make a 300 foot long tunnel.
It takes 23 seconds for blood to make a complete circuit of the human body.
It takes a five-mile walk to burn off the calories of one chocolate sundae.

Wii Wanking

I Took a "Bathroom Break" for 6 months

Bathroom Break - Click here for the funniest movie of the week

NASA:Global Warming Stopped in 1998

It's all over but the crying, for Al Gore. Fool. This interview with a respected scientist in Australia reveals why he's been curiously quiet lately. Because he is, has been, and always will be: Full of Shit.

A great many founts of authority, from the Royal Society to the UN, most heads of government along with countless captains of industry, learned professors, commentators and journalists will be profoundly embarrassed. Let us hope it is a prolonged and chastening experience.

With catastrophe off the agenda, for most people the fog of millennial gloom will lift, at least until attention turns to the prospect of the next ice age. Among the better educated, the sceptical cast of mind that is the basis of empiricism will once again be back in fashion. The delusion that by recycling and catching public transport we can help save the planet will quickly come to be seen for the childish nonsense it was all along.

Cheaper Better Cappaccino: from Starbucks

Want a stronger, more flavorful cappucino than Starbucks seems capable of making, and for less dough?
Ask them for a "Short Cappaccino". It's not on the menu... I know.... but... well.. read THIS ARTICLE FOR ALL THE DETAILS.

Best Selling Albums of All Time

29 Million

• Eagles: Their Greatest Hits, 1971–1975, Eagles (Asylum)

27 Million

• Thriller, Michael Jackson (Epic)

23 Million

• Led Zeppelin IV, Led Zeppelin (Atlantic)
• The Wall, Pink Floyd (Columbia)

22 Million

• Back in Black, AC/DC (Epic)

21 Million

• Greatest Hits, Volumes I & II, Billy Joel (Columbia)
• Double Live, Garth Brooks (Capitol Nashville)

20 Million

• Come On Over, Shania Twain (Mercury Nashville)

The rest of the best are here.

Holy Crap! Winnie Cooper Grew Up!

Danica McKellar, (probably best known for playing Winnie Cooper on The Wonder Years) has very much.. grown up.

In 2005 Danica did a photoshoot for Stuff Magazine.

I did a photo session for "Stuff" magazine last Wednesday-- the first time in my life, ever, taking pictures in lingerie!!

The editors of Stuff want to know which hottie from the 90s Stuff readers would like to see in their magazine. Now, I met Danica back when I worked at ABC, and for some reason, The Protective Big Brother in me wants to say, "No way am I going to encourage people to check you out in sexy pictures!" But there's no denying that she's grown up to become quite a beautiful woman.

Get this: She's a math genius... Just wrote a book called "Math Doesn't Suck"
Graduated with a Masters? in Math from UCLA....

The Fly Jumper: Oh, to be 20 Again...

Evil Military Develops Battery That Lasts 30 Years

What good does that frakkin' military ever do us?
Well, they've figured out how to safely turn radioactive particles into inert, harmless particles, while powering your laptop for the next 25-30 years with no recharging.
The FULL STORY HERE, and HERE.

If Women Ruled the World

A contest for photoshop enthusiasts...
A few more great entries can be seen here.

Nobody's Watching: The TV Pilot

Earlier, I've posted funny clips from the comedy team, Derek and Will, and the Producers of Scrubs and The Family Guy. Remember The Diet Coke and Mentos comedy clip, and the Lost parody... These guys are quite good. They did a pilot for the WB in 2005 that the suits were too dumb to comprehend, and it didn't get picked up. It's split into 3 segs on YouTube, it's rated 4.5 out of 5 stars, and has over 500,000 views...
Be 500,001 here.
The story behind the show is HERE. Very interesting notes about how future TV shows might debut on the internet FIRST, before primetime...

Fun With Pigeons

The Scarecrow... pest repellent.. $69 online.

Humane, Hilarious Bird Sprinkler Saves Hot Tubs

Anyone with a hot-tub, that occasionally gets nailed by the bounty of nature, will appreciate this funny solution to bird crap. It's called the Scarecrow... available online.
($69) Video at Vidmeister

Review: Prison Break Season 3 Premiere

When we last saw our misunderstood heroes, they were surrendering to Panamanian authorities in a jungle, after having to shoot the asian g-man who had that permanent smug smile on his face wiped off by a 32 calibur slug.
Little Question: How did the spook find Michael Scofield and Company after being shot in the warehouse at the end of season 2?
Bigger Question: Why is the show going all "Lost" on us, introducing a plot-line where Michael has to bust some secret prisoner out of the Sona prison, or watch his paramour Sarah Tancretti parish on a Rokr? Why, why, why? The execs (i.e. Brett Ratner) are over-thinking this one, and needlessly introducing a stupid plotline... Its not enough that Michael is interred at a prison that rivals the Turkish nightmare of Midnight Express, we have to have US Agents DEPENDING on him being there....
Very sketchy opening episode.... shades of implausibility approaching the level of 24 Day 6....

3D Motion Portrait Animates Still Photos

Mildly creepy, mildy amazing... A company has invented software that can take a single photograph, and 'animate' it for a variety of uses... observe:


via (Gizmodo)

The Big Bang Theory: Very Funny New Show

My review of the show is Here.
Takes me back to my college days, where I knew EVERY ONE of the characters
on this show, especially the blonde... Hello Debbie's wherever you are..

Amazon Unbox Free Preview Episode of the Pilot is HERE.

My review of Prison Break's:
3rd Season Premiere HERE.

Review: The Big Bang Theory

Overuse of the laugh track underscores just how insecure the Producers of the new CBS comedy "The Big Bang Theory" are. Just like their two lead characters, the producers don't know just how funny their show is to people who would likely watch it, thus undermining their own demographical research, and negating their original hypothesis about its odds of reaching a suitable mass viewership.

In other words, the show is very funny, very charming, not really suitable for anyone under 14, or over 44, not because of all the sex jokes, but because of the dialogue...
It takes me back to my days at Williams Village, at Univ. of Colorado, in 1980, when I was a roommate to 2 electrical engineers, a chemical engineer and good friends with 2 more, The Big Bang Theory wisely stays true to its nerdiness, not dumbing down the dialogue to let the ignorant American's figure out what they're saying... It's almost a foreign language to anyone who has an IQ below 100, and that's fine with me.
I give the show a 9 out of 10, deducting points only for the condescending overuse of the laugh-track. Listen suits, smart people don't need to be told what is funny.
This show is available for FREE PREVIEW on Amazon Unbox right now.

Tech: Unlimited Cell Time ** Comes To Denver

Sprint customers can ..

"Talk all they want while in their homes, without worrying about using their wireless minutes. Unlimited incoming and outgoing calls and nationwide long distance are included while using a Sprint phone at home." DETAILS HERE.
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a Linux Live CD is one of the best ways to boot up a dead PC and access its disks. Here's how to rescue files from a dead PC's hard drive with the Knoppix Live CD and here's how to partition and image your hard drive with the System Recovery CD. A Lifesaver, if the dreaded day ever comes...

3 Great Actors Get Their Due

Best supporting actress, comedy series		Jaime Pressly, My Name Is Earl NBC - "Oh, snap! She won!!."
Best supporting actor, comedy series		Jeremy Piven, Entourage HBO - Powerfully funny as Ari Gold.
Best supporting actor, drama series		Terry O'Quinn, Lost ABC - He makes the show......

Good News Items

Good News:
Illinois High School Bans Suggestive High School Dancing (Juking)
Colorado Judge Forces Loud Rap Music Listeners to Listen To Barry Manilow
85 Yr. Old Woman Chases down Purse Snatcher, has him arrested.