If Women Ruled the World

A contest for photoshop enthusiasts...
A few more great entries can be seen here.

Women & Their Asses

There is a new study just released by the American Psychiatric Association about women and how they feel about their asses.

The results are pretty interesting:

1. 5% of women surveyed feel their ass is too big.
2. 10% of women surveyed feel their ass is too small.
3. The remaining 85% say they don't care; they love him; he's a good man, and they would have married him anyway.

Comedy Friday

''This week in Iran, Iranian designers held a fashion show using Iranian models. For the 5,000th year in a row, burkhas are in.''
CONAN O'BRIEN, ON LATE NIGHT

Top Ten Least Popular Conversation Starters

"Can you tell I have drug-resistant tuberculosis?" "How do you like my Al-Qaeda t-shirt?" "Wanna see me drop my pants and fire a rocket?" "I once lived across the street from Maury Povich" "Here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty..." "If you were a woman, I bet you'd be pretty" "Are you a cop?" "Hi, I'm Shecky" "Anyone watch 'Letterman' last night?" "Mind if I call you mommy?"

Tattoos Only Clark & Bruce Could Love

An insider post here, to a couple a' knuckleheads old college buddies of mine.
Temporary Tattoos On sale at McPhee

Our Commander In Chief

I simply can't trust the guy anymore... He continues to stare out with the lens caps on....

iPhone Cartoon

Clinton Joke

Bill and Hillary are at the Yankee season opener sitting in the first
row, with the Secret Service agents directly behind them. One of the
Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers something to Bill.

At first, Clinton stares at the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back at
the agent, and shakes his head.

The agent then says, "Mr. Clinton, it was at the unanimous request of
the entire team, from the owner on down to the bat boy."

Bill hesitates...but begins to change his mind when the agent tells him
the fans would love it!

Bill shrugs his shoulders and says, " Okay, if that's what the people
want."

With that, Bill gets up, grabs Hillary by her collar and the seat of
her pants, lifts her up, and tosses her right over the wall onto the
field. She gets up kicking, swearing, and screaming, "I'll kill you!"

The crowd goes absolutely wild. Fans are jumping up & down, cheering,
hooting & hollering, and exchanging high-fives.

Bill is bowing, smiling and waving to the crowd. He leans over to the
agent and says, "How about that! I would have never believed how much
everyone would enjoy that!"

Noticing his agent has gone totally pale, he asks what is wrong.

The agent replies, "Sir, I said they wanted you to throw out the first
pitch."

T Shirt Slogans I'm Too Old To Wear

Procrastinate Now

In America Anyone Can Be President
That's One of the Risks You Take.

Hard work has a future payoff
Laziness pays off now.

Where there's a will... I want to be in it.

Alcohol and calculus don't mix.
Never drink and derive.

No sense in being pessimistic It wouldn't work anyway!

I'm sorry My fault
I forgot you were an idiot.

Ten Things NOT To Say To A Cop

NEVER SAY TO A COP
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas )
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Are You Andy or Barney?
5. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
6. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
7. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
8. Do you know why you pulled me over? O kay, just so one of us does.
9. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around.. Tha t's how far ahead of me they are.
10. When the Officer says " Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?"
You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

Special Bulletin

Special Bulletin ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States

Redneck Special Forces.
These Alabama, Kentucky, Mississippi, Tennessee, and Texas boys will be dropped off into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists:

1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.
5. They are all gay.
6. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

The Pentagon expects the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday.
(Sent in by Jan via Bill Y.)

Where the HELL Was THIS Girl When I Was In College?

From Craigslist

Red Wine Research

I took a few days off from blogging because, well, nothing interesting crossed my screen. In the meantime, my main video editing Mac had what I thought was a fatal hard drive crash... So I found a Mac Mini on Craigslist that is more powerful than the system I've used for 9 years... (that's right.... I actually went 7 years using one computer!!!!.. that's gotta be a record..) The newer one, for $400 runs circles around the $3000 one I got in 98.... Steven has pulled straight A's for the past 3 months... There must be something in the water.... Have a Happy Easter...

Couch For Sale

Couch - Very Uncomfortable, Red - $3.75

---

(From Craigslist)

Hello. Here is my couch. I hate this couch and it needs to get out of my house. It is the worst couch I have ever seen. I sat on it and now I'm in a back brace. I let my dog have the couch, but then he died on it, so I don't really need it anymore. I miss my dog and I hate this couch. I'm asking $3.75 for the couch because thats how much Buck's favorite chew toy cost me each month. However, I'll consider other offers. I would just throw this couch into the river, but I hurt my back sitting on the couch.

A little more about the couch:
I bought it 3 months ago.
I paid $900
It came from this swanky furniture place
I hate the couch
It is uncomfortable and will probably put you in a back brace

Questions

Is anyone else out there having problems with Possums lounging around in their dishwashers?














Has anyone WON at Bullshit Bingo?

Photo Of The Month

The Blanket Fort

Spotted on Craigslist.org

Let us frolic in my totally dope blanket fort

Yes, I know what you’re saying, “dude, that blanket fort sucks.” That would not be the first time I’ve heard such short-sighted criticism. Its structural integrity is dubious at best and there isn’t a whole lot of headroom. But c’mon, it’s not like I’m a freakin’ architect or anything. Besides, this little baby is just a prototype. I have vast resources of cushions for anchoring and blankets in order to maximize square footage. My living room is just waiting to be turned into a totally sweet labyrinth of love.

I am very open to suggestions in respect to design and construction, as I’d like this fort to be a shared vision. Much like the Taj Mahal, its intended that this little beauty will be inspired by a very special lady. Once our shelter is erected, we can move in and work on some of our higher order needs. Or we could just order a pizza and tell ghost stories. Please email me with a picture if you want to be invited to this living room party. It will be sweet.

PS: I’m allowed to have sleepovers.