* I will not waste chalk.
* I will not aim for the head.
* I will not skateboard in the halls.
* I will not do anything bad ever again.
* I will not torment the emotionally frail.
* I will not call the principal "spud head".
* I will not spank others.
* I am not a dentist.
* I will not bribe Principal Skinner.
* Spitwads are not free speech.
* "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender.
* High explosives and school don't mix.
* Hamsters cannot fly.
* All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
* I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause.
* I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
* I am not deliciously saucy.
* Organ transplants are best left to the professionals.
* I will not send lard through the mail.
* No one wants to hear my armpits.
* Next time it could be me on the scaffolding.
* The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far.
* I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist.
* I do not have power of attorney over first graders.
* I am not certified to remove asbestos.
* "Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice.
* I will not barf unless I'm sick.
* I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
* I will not instigate revolution.
* I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
* I will not call my teacher "hot cakes".
* I will not snap bras.
* Garlic gum is not funny.
* I will not fake seizures.
* I will not encourage others to fly.
* I will not bury the new kid.
* I will not Xerox my butt.
* I will not drive the principal's car.
* I will not eat things for money.
* I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.
* I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call.
* I will not sell school property.
* The principle's toupee is not a frisbee.
* I do not have diplomatic immunity.
* I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
* I will not go very far with this attitude.
* Goldfish don't bounce.
* No one is interested in my underpants.
* I will not sell land in Florida.
* I will not sell miracle cures.
* I will not grease the monkey bars.
* I will not hide behind the fifth amendment.
I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten
There was no Roman god named "Fartacus"
Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related
I will not file frivolous lawsuits
A trained ape could not teach gym
Loose teeth don't need my help
I have neither been there nor done that
I will stop phoning it in
Class clown is not a paid position
Substitute teachers are not scabs
My suspension was not "mutual"
A belch is not an oral report
Dodgeball stops at the gym door
I will not surprise the incontinent
I am not the acting President
I was not the sixth Beatle
I will only provide a urine sample when asked
The nurse is not dealing
Science class should not end in tragedy
I will not publish the Principal's credit report
The hamster did not have "a full life"
Fish do not like coffee
Milhouse did not test cootie positive
This school does not need a "regime change"
SpongeBob is not a contraceptive
The capital of Montana is not "Hannah"
Teacher did not pay too much for her condo!
The art teacher is fat, not pregnant
Teacher's diet is working
There's no such month as "Rocktober"
I did not see teacher siphoning gas
It's "Facebook," not "Assbook"
The class hamster isn't just sleeping
Chalkboarding is not torture
I am not allergic to long division
Halloween does not kick Thanksgiving's ass
Teachers' unions are not ruining the country
The world may end in 2012 but this show won't.
No comments:
Post a Comment